Mamma Mia!

I’m not going to say it’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s pretty close.

Zero camp value. No awful “pretend-I-like-it” qualities.

I love Abba. This movie is terrible.

If I were to list this movie’s flaws,  this post would be too long for anyone to read. So, I’ll key in on a few.

First of all, I’m a pretty progressive guy (take my word on it). This movie made me want to start some relationship with a girl just so I could domestically abuse her. I’m sure in some parallel universe everyone is empathetic and understanding. It’s disgusting. Thank god for a little patriarchy in our existence. God damn, if I lived in that shitty existence, I would probably try and kill myself. The worst part about it is that some asshole would likely successfully relate to me and prevent it. “Oh, I’m living up to my responsibilities. Ohh, I care how you feel. Ohhh, your happiness is important to me.” Gross.

Succinctly moving on, if you’re going to make a shitty musical, make a shitty musical with shitty actors who can sing (at least shittly). You know it’s a bad sign when your musical just plays the original songs with the actors singing backup. I’m not asking for musical talent. I’m just asking for something that would make the introduction episode of American Idol.

Okay, this is pretty typical. It’s not so uncommonly bad, as this movie does, to have characters start with an accent that they lose throughout the movie. I want to know this: Why on this earth does a movie that take place in Greece have actors pretend to have a brittish accent until the second half of the movie? Since when are the brittish more likely to be in greece than americans? It seems wholly idiotic to have american actors pretend to be brittish for a while when the movie takes place in greece, especially when they’re going to give up on it.

This movie would have been bad as a lifetime movie of the week.

Okay, for brevity, I’m going to sum it up like this: remember that scene in the Matrix where agent Smith talks about an original utopia matrix that nobody would accept? Mamma Mia is that. (This movie is so bad, I don’t want people to read this review. I’m going to post this last sentence as an opener).

I’m sure it’s a beautiful place, but I’m never going to spend my own money to go to greece after this. I’d pretty much be forced to anally rape some innocent bystander to relegitimize the nation.

1/10

I’d give this movie a zero, but that would risk someone commenting otherwise. That, in turn, would force me to respond, which I am not willing to do. To that matter, if another contributer would like to revise or add an picture to this post, go ahead. I care so little for it I’m neither about to re-read it or try and figure out how to add an image.

P.S.S. You may be a fantastic person who feeds the homeless caviar. But, if you pay for this movie and you’re not doing it to win over some girl who is drastically out of your league or for a couple of uncut pounds of heroine (I don’t know how hard drug dealers work), you deserve to be despised in all present, past, and future lives.

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7 responses to “Mamma Mia!

  • robfunk

    You know I’m probably going to watch this movie just to see what you talking about… You’ve successfully made me curious about a movie I previously didn’t give a shit about.

  • Korn

    Come on, Max, really? It wasn’t that bad. I’m not going to see this again, and I’ve lost a little respect for Pierce, but anal raping? Come on.

  • mcdufrechou

    Did I refer to anal raping? This was my first review written while I was intoxicated. I remember waiting for a video to load on my computer, and being angry about this movie.

    I’ll say, that the movie was so bad, I’m not going to re-read my review or justify any part of it.

  • evan

    damn, i actually heard this was pretty good from several people. now i’m curious.

  • mcdufrechou

    When I saw it, I may have been the only one who thought it was as bad as I did. Though, besides me and my friend, the rest of the audience were either old ladies or older ladies.

  • Korn

    I went with Grandstreeters. If I can sit through the entirety of such a musical with such exaggerated reactions and not rip the hair out of my head, it can’t be that bad… Or at least to Max’s extreme.

  • max not logged in

    It’s the kind of movie people with cankles watch.

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