Tag Archives: movies

This is stupid

Apparently, Kristen Stewart (and, thus, Snow White) is being dropped from the Snow White/Huntsman sequel.  For someone who, yes, enjoyed the first in what is now a “series.” this is pathetic news.

The sequel will be all about the Huntsman, which is pretty damn lame. The reason? Drama. Weak sauce. Weak sauce.

 


Brave

One of Pixar’s best films, yet.  You’ll be quickly whisked away by Brave.  Perfectly executed.

10/10


Fast Five

Fast Five is so ridiculous at times that I caught myself thinking, “is this a SciFi or something?” a few times. And the dialogue: ‘this just went from Mission Impossible to Mission Insanity!” But when it comes down to it, Fast Five is a less clever version of Ocean’s 11 with better action.

Very little in this movie makes any logical sense, but it’s fun.

For the record, I’m not positive I saw the second ‘Fast and Furious’ and I know I didn’t see the 3rd or 4th… Suffice it to say, I wasn’t too lost.

6/10


Quantum of Solace: trailer

The trailer for the new 007 is out and Quantum of Solace looks fucking sweet.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY(!!!), Owl Pellets

Just over one year ago Owl Pellets was created. We’ve come a long way – more writers and a lot more readers. With the summer movie season approaching and festival season on its way, expect more posts and more reviews.

Happy Birthday, Owl Pellets!


Doomsday

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Directed and Written by Neil Marshall (The Descent). Starring Rhona Mitra, Bob Hoskins, Alexander Siddig, MyAnna Buring (also in The Descent), David O’Hara, and Malcolm McDowell.

“… maddening mash-up genre picture…”

“You know all those referential spoofs we’ve been getting lately… ? Well, Doomsday is like one of those, except played completely straight.”

This is the reasoning provided by the critics who are bashing Doomsday, which is currently at a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes; of course, that’s only after nine reviews. Well, I agree with their argument, but I disagree with their final conclusion: I thought Doomsday was a good blast of fun and excitement.

I went into this movie wanting to like it (I mean, Doomsday is a film by the guy that did The Descent, one of my favorite movies in the last few years), but expecting I wouldn’t, just from what I had seen in the trailers. I can understand people’s disdain for it – major problems with the plot, lack of focus, etc. etc., but I give credit where it’s due and it’s due.

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Doomsday begins and is coupled with an infection story, similar to that in 28 Weeks Later, etc., but the infection/virus is not the focus. The story is about a really kick ass chick and some other dudes crossing into Scotland, which was quarantined; fighting some crazy people – a bunch of punks who are in a war with some even weirder dudes in a castle (I don’t want to give too much away); and then it gets more kick ass.

I truly enjoyed the mash-up of genre films like Road Warrior, Escape from New York, Resident Evil, something with knights; at the same time that the film was mashing-up these genre concepts, it was paying tribute without being a tribute film. For these reasons, Doomsday is a refreshing and unique apocalyptic film. In addition to all this mashing-up, Marshall creates an odd mix of action comedy, straight-up comedy, horror,straight-up action, thriller, and political commentary (the political commentary being much more prevalent during the first third of the film, or so).

Marshall does deliver some Descent-like suspense and motifs, but other than that, it’s a very different kind of film. Perhaps it’s problem is just how weird it is. Well, I appreciated it.

The best way to describe the final product is this: I wouldn’t say it hit its mark, but I wouldn’t say it completely missed it, either; it’s somewhere on the board, which is a board created by Marshall, himself, for this film.

If you hate it, you hate it. I won’t hate you for hating it. But I enjoyed it. The cast isn’t that bad looking, either.

B- 


10,000 B.C.

10,000 B.C.

Dir. Ronald Emmerich, Writ. Ronald Emmerich & Harald Kloser, Star. Cliff Curtis, Steven Strait, and Camilla Belle

The worst movie I’ve seen this year. *SPOILERS*

Here’s some trivia: It was not written and directed by a 3rd grader. That may be hard to believe, but I imdb’d it. The dude is 50 something with no obvious mental disability. Go figure.

I’ll give you the rundown of the plot in case you go to a cocktail party hosted by a remedial english class for jerk-offs getting their G.E.D.s:

It starts off in New Zealand where you meet a village. They are a stubborn and proud neolithic people, who prefer to live on top of an icy mountain in only loin clothes. Back in the day, race was not a dominant phenotype; the village is white, black, pacific islander, and latino. DNA was weird then. Fluid exchange meant one thing: dreadlocks.

You meet the players. There’s the protagonist Ted (I could care less what his real name was), the mentor Tic-tac, the biddie, and some little turd-burrito kid. You get some voice over narration (from who I like to imagine is a drunk, homeless guy talking to himself).

So, they’re all chilling on top of this mountain eating Manacs (Mammoths), when, oh no, some vikings hike all the way up this mountain to kidnap ten kiwis who are too stupid to wear coats in the winter.

Ted is all like, “Oh, no, you didn’t.” So, Ted, Tic-tac, and the turd-chili chase after the vikings. They walk for a weekend and end up in the middle of Africa. The Africans shit their pants because Ted isn’t eaten by a long-tooth (sabretooth tiger) and some other African had drawn a dude and a long-tooth on a rock previously. Of course, all the different tribes rally under Ted to go fetch that biddie.

They walk for another weekend, and end up in Egypt and about 7000 years into the future. By the way, the Vikings were Egyptian, and the Egyptian empire only covered about 15 city blocks.

Ted is a little freaked. Tic-tac is dead, and he doesn’t know how to lead. He makes an expert plan: get the Egyptians’ Manacs all riled up. It works and there is a big ol’ riot.

Everyone freaks out. They’re all like, “the egyptian king is a god.” Ted is all like, “He’s just a dude in a dress.” He yells Sparta and defeats his Egyptian foe.

Unfortunately, the biddie dies, but she comes back to life. The turd-salad is very sad and then very relieved.

The End.

Such horrible, horrible trash.

2.5/10